Chapter 4. Massacre at Full Moon

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Background info: This blog is based on the book The Sexual Teachings of the White Tigress by Hsi Lai.

At full moon, when all young women are fertile, and the men roar, and the city is restless, I have my menstruation. And when it’s a new moon, and everybody is anxious and depressed, I ovulate. It’s like I m on this natural form of birth control. Rather than being in touch with nature,  I seem to be in touch with my own nature. My eggs hatch in a pretty sterile environment of men worrying about sports, those last two kilos, or their wife finding out. And then the rest of the month I use condoms. And if those fail I take a morning after pill. Which luckily, I ve only had to take once in my life. But not without consequences.

The Good, the Bad, and the Messy

When you’re young you have a left and a right knee, and then when you re older, you have a good and a bad knee. I have that with breasts. Ever since I took my morning after pill, I have a breast infection in the left, which seemed to have disappeared all together, but then it popped up again. Probably summoned by hormonal imbalance from the period.
I have the same thing with my ovaries: every other month my menstruation is significantly shorter, and I m more prone to spotting (loss of blood before the menstruation) So I have one good ovary and one bad ovary. But both responded positively to something new and novel, which I insist on sharing here:
my menstruation cup.

My menstruation was already steadily rebounding to the lowpoint 2011, and I had just set the record of only 7 blood-free days a month, when I bought a menstruation cup. This is a cup that collects the blood.
I was won over by a story from a woman who was determined to keep using her copper IUD spiral, despite heavy bleeding, but who cured her periods by using a menstruation cup instead of using tampons. It convinced me to try it. And I did, and it helped!!

I still make a mess when emptying it (I recommend using the shower!) and extracting it is not at all easy for me. And I didn’t find the instructions at all useful.
How do you twist a cup around for 90 degrees, when it’s inside your vagina?
How do you pull a cup out when it’s sucked up to your cervix?
How do you grab the cup with your index finger and thumb?
All three? You don’t.
Not unless you have a wide yet shallow mini vagina or ET’s index finger.

So in case you want to try the menstruation cup, and you find yourself not being able to get it out, here are tried and tested Menstruation Cup instructions for women with a deep but tight vagina and not-those-elegant-long fingers.

Inserting a menstruation cup:
classic Origami method (should be in your instruction folder)
Fold the ridge into the cup, and then fold the sides together. Insert aiming for your tailbone/ the back, not “up”.
Once inserted, you can circle your finger around a bit, helping it to unfold, but the thing will stay flat(ter) on one side. This is when they say you should grab the cup with two fingers and turn it around 90 degrees, to ensure it unfolds in a perfect circle and sucks vacuum to the walls. Anyone successful at this can apply for a first- aid gynecology diploma. The rest wears a panty liner should it leak.

Removing a menstruation cup:
Squat down deeply in the shower
Stick you middle finger in and pulse/ push your vagina muscles, pushing the menstruation cup out. As the cup moves down, manoeuvre your finger between the cup and the back wall. Then insert your thumb, clasping the other side. Keep pushing the cup out, until you can pinch the cup with your thumb and middle finger.
This is supposed to break the seal/ vacuum of your cup, in your vagina.
However, give it a bit of time, and while pinching the cup turn the cup down now… so although you inserted it horizontally, turning it slightly vertically, can help break the seal, so you are sure that you are not vacuum sucking your vaginal walls.
Now you will feel it releasing and it will come out smoothly, practically by itself.

Take me to bed. Or mat.

Two weeks ago I quit my home yoga practice. No, I quit the intention of ever having a home yoga practice again. From now on my yoga classes would have to suffice. It was a decision that brought me tremendous joy! I felt a bit of a fraud too of course, since I was on this White Tigress challenge, and I thought that meant I was supposed to do my White Tigress yoga (pdf). But I didn’t consider that good enough a reason to beat myself up about it.
I also had to aborted my White Tigress breast massages, because they seemed to worsen the infection.
Again: it wasn’t something I felt guilty about.
The only thing I was still ambitious about, was sex.

A White Tigress stays young and energetic through the use of oral sex with men. I had experienced that with my lover: for about a week I was invincible. But then I could feel my energy declining, feel myself weakening. And I considered my options: arrange more sex with him or arrange sex with other men.
The first felt needy. The second didn’t appeal to me, but I was pretty sure I could arrange it and that I would benefit from it.
Of all the White Tigress practices I was inconsistent at, sex was the only one I was interested in optimizing.
Until I got my period.

It started out as a normal period of the “good” ovary. I love both my ovaries though. And both my breasts. And let me get one thing very straight about my body:
if it holds cysts or cancers then those too will be a part of me.
I know my purpose in life, I know the stuff I absolutely need to do in order to see this life fulfilled, and I think I have time of life until then.
Amen.
I m intrigued at the thought of staying healthy, or growing older, by using the White Tigress techniques. But I refuse to be led by fears of dying or illness, nor do I feel any affiliation of trying to save my life through early testing or therapy.
I would consider an amputation (of the breast, not the lymph nodes) but otherwise I d rather welcome death than fear it.
My painful breast, although never diagnosed as dangerous, already reminds me that life is finite, and is thereby an existential blessing already. Feel free to discard my views, or worry, but please respect I intend to stay on the road less traveled, and currently feel that looking death in the eye without running, would be my most profound spiritual achievement. I have no idea if I would be capable to stand the heat, but as a concept, it intrigues and appeals to me.
But enough talk of death, I was telling you about my period. And why it changed something.

Okay, so everything appeared to be normal, but then I got dizzy. I almost fainted, and stayed dizzy for hours. The next day too, I got dizzy, although it lasted only an hour this time. The first time I still thought it was because I had not eaten enough. But the second day, I noticed feeling unbalanced throughout the day, and  I had eaten enough. And suddenly it hit me: it was because of my period.

I used to be fascinated with Marilyn Monroe’s period: she was known to suffer from heavy cramps. Whenever, as a teenager, I would suffer them, I felt sexy in a way. Because I knew Marilyn had them too. My current fascination is with Stoya, a porn actress. She too, blogs about her menstruation being particularly violent, and it has included fainting.
So that’s what struck a cord now.
The dizziness suddenly felt sexier, but I also decided I wanted to do something about this. That despite having trouble committing to a home yoga routine, I was going to do it:
for the remaining part of this 100 Day challenge I was going to commit to my White Tigress yoga (pdf) If you try this for yourself, don t do headstand while in your period.

A real White Tigress, controls her ovulation and doesn’t have a menstruation, unless she chooses to. Through implementing the White Tigress yoga I could stop my heavy periods. But of course the real magic of the White Tigress, the thing she relies most on, is not yoga. That is frequent oral sex with healthy men.

Until I found a solution of how to get that, I would continue to suffer monthly massacres.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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